Sometimes it's hard
I can't believe it has been 3 months since my last post, I would love to say that I have been off having a fabby time, that I have created lots of fascinating new designs and that everything is peachy. But....it hasn't quite been like that.
I don't even remember where May went, so I won't try to make excuses for not blogging, I will just say sorry.
June however was a different matter. Early on in the month it became apparent that mum was unwell. Nothing specific just a lack of spark, conversations were shorter on the phone and the usual enthusiasm for her month in Scotland when she would see "her boys " wasn't there. There were lots of Doctors appointments, which were tiring for both mum and dad, and something was just not right.
Mid month, when I rang on spec one Thursday, dad admitted she was unwell. I rang every day to see what was happening and the story was just the same. By the Monday when I rang dad was out and suddenly the flood gates opened. She felt terrible, she didn't want to worry dad, and swore me to secrecy, but cried for a whole 10 minutes on the phone. This was so out of character for mum that I had to go home from work because I was in pieces.
5 o'clock the next day I was on the train home. Last 2 weeks of school for the boys, missing the end of term plays etc but I just had to go. On the Tuesday evening she chatted away more than she has done for years, by Wednesday at 7 we had lost her.
God it's hard. We fought like cat and dog, never agreed on anything, but I really miss her. Inspite of the rows and stuff we always knew we loved eachother, we were just from different generations, I am an only child and mum was 40 when she had me, a big gap in ages. We were never really close like some folk who talk daily or go shopping, infact I was always a daddy's girl, everytime she asked me a question I would snap back like a moody teenager, even when I was in my 40s, but I suppose that was just the way we were meant to be.
So now we have dad up living with us, he has been a bit unwell since he arrived but I think is a culmination of shock and such a huge change. Although, like most married couples the argued, they loved eachother and a big partof him is missing. Hopefully we can help to fill the gap for him, and look after him like he deserves.
I have been crafting over the last few weeks, just to keep my sanity. I am back at work, well I have been back and I am about to have my summer holidays. But inspite of everything that has happened I feel really lucky. I have folk around me who love me, I am healthy, I have a job, I have my dad here beside me, and mum is where she always wanted to be, in St Ives the only home she ever wanted.
For some reason I have also been compelled to have a big clear out of all my "stuff". Maybe it is part of the healing process, who cares! The Salvation Army bank is now bulging with my old clothes, I have space in my wardrobe and someone else will hopefully get some new bits and pieces out of it. Oh and I have planted potatoes........;-} Funny what you feel compelled to do in a crisis!!!!
Oh and here is the finished Craft item that has kept me going through tears and tantrums over the last few weeks. Let me know what you think.
I don't even remember where May went, so I won't try to make excuses for not blogging, I will just say sorry.
June however was a different matter. Early on in the month it became apparent that mum was unwell. Nothing specific just a lack of spark, conversations were shorter on the phone and the usual enthusiasm for her month in Scotland when she would see "her boys " wasn't there. There were lots of Doctors appointments, which were tiring for both mum and dad, and something was just not right.
Mid month, when I rang on spec one Thursday, dad admitted she was unwell. I rang every day to see what was happening and the story was just the same. By the Monday when I rang dad was out and suddenly the flood gates opened. She felt terrible, she didn't want to worry dad, and swore me to secrecy, but cried for a whole 10 minutes on the phone. This was so out of character for mum that I had to go home from work because I was in pieces.
5 o'clock the next day I was on the train home. Last 2 weeks of school for the boys, missing the end of term plays etc but I just had to go. On the Tuesday evening she chatted away more than she has done for years, by Wednesday at 7 we had lost her.
God it's hard. We fought like cat and dog, never agreed on anything, but I really miss her. Inspite of the rows and stuff we always knew we loved eachother, we were just from different generations, I am an only child and mum was 40 when she had me, a big gap in ages. We were never really close like some folk who talk daily or go shopping, infact I was always a daddy's girl, everytime she asked me a question I would snap back like a moody teenager, even when I was in my 40s, but I suppose that was just the way we were meant to be.
So now we have dad up living with us, he has been a bit unwell since he arrived but I think is a culmination of shock and such a huge change. Although, like most married couples the argued, they loved eachother and a big partof him is missing. Hopefully we can help to fill the gap for him, and look after him like he deserves.
I have been crafting over the last few weeks, just to keep my sanity. I am back at work, well I have been back and I am about to have my summer holidays. But inspite of everything that has happened I feel really lucky. I have folk around me who love me, I am healthy, I have a job, I have my dad here beside me, and mum is where she always wanted to be, in St Ives the only home she ever wanted.
For some reason I have also been compelled to have a big clear out of all my "stuff". Maybe it is part of the healing process, who cares! The Salvation Army bank is now bulging with my old clothes, I have space in my wardrobe and someone else will hopefully get some new bits and pieces out of it. Oh and I have planted potatoes........;-} Funny what you feel compelled to do in a crisis!!!!
Oh and here is the finished Craft item that has kept me going through tears and tantrums over the last few weeks. Let me know what you think.
Comments
Let's hope your dad pulls through OK. My mum is still trying to make new friends and a life for herself because everything revolved around dad. Even before he got sick she never had a social life of her own and now she's struggling.
It will get better (I know it's a cliche) but instead of it being raw and tears coming at the drop of a hat, it'll get to the stage where it's odd reminders that will set you off. Funny unexpected things are what trip me up.
I'll be thinking of you xx
xx Chris